This study was conducted on 13 participants (nine males and four females). The mean age of the participants was 36 years. Among the participants, three (23.07%) were known cases of lymphoma and the others (76.92%) had leukemia.
The lived experience of HSCT meant “bewilderment in the shadow of hope”, “emerging dream of budding”, and “entering the calm beach”. The themes and subthemes of the lived experiences of HSCT have been presented in Table 2.
Table 2
The lived experiences of hematopoietic stem cell transplantation
Themes
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Subthemes
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1. Bewilderment in the shadow of hope
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1.1. Strange and shocking news
1.2. Searching for information accomplished with psychological distress
1.3. Having some misconceptions
1.4. Finding a chance for survival
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2. Emerging dream of budding
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2.1. Chemotherapy as a root of transplantation
2.2. Immersing in the psychological burden
2.3. Shining light of life
2.4. Waiting for successful transplantation
2.5. Living with positive feelings
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3. Entering the calm beach
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3.1. Resilience in spite of the physical burden
3.2. Constant attention to blood cells count
3.3. Conducting careful self-care
3.4. Having family support
3.5. Strong relationship with God
3.6. Valuable rebirth and continuation of life
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1. Bewilderment in the shadow of hope
1.1. Strange and shocking news
The phrase “stem cells transplantation” was first strange and terrifying for the participants. When they first heard about the need for HSCT from a hematologist, they were shocked. They got out of control and were bewildered. Participant 1 said:
The first time that I heard about the need for transplantation, I was shocked and felt tremor in my body.
1.2. Searching for information accomplished with psychological distress
In this state, the participants listened to the physician’s description of the transplantation and searched for information on how HSCT would be performed. However, they felt fearful, anxious, and worried regarding HSCT. Participant 6 stated:
Those days, I was scared. I was always thinking I was going to die.... I was sad. I said: God, what is transplantation and how is it done! I was worried weather I would find a transplantation donor! I bargained with myself regarding performing or not performing the transplantation.
1.3. Having some misconceptions
The days before HSCT, the participants had misconceptions regarding how HSCT would be performed. They imagined that their bones would be cut and the graft would be inserted. Participant 10 maintained: I thought that the bones would be pierced for transplantation. Participant 7 also said: I thought that some parts of the patient’s body were removed and replaced by the donor’s body.
1.4. Finding a chance for survival
After many days, the participants found themselves in a world where the novel treatment had helped them have a chance for survival. Therefore, HSCT was accepted using hope and spirituality. The patients passed the hard days before transplantation by hoping to be healthy. Participant 10 mentioned:
The doctor told me that I had to undergo blood cells transplantation. As I heard a 20-year-old man had undergone transplantation and was healthy, I also accepted to have transplantation… I trusted in God. I believed whatever God wanted would happen. So, I had no fears and followed the transplantation planning.
2. Emerging dream of budding
2.1. Chemotherapy as a root of transplantation
In the transplantation ward, first the participants underwent a seven-day high dose chemotherapy. These days started with the complications of chemotherapy. The participants reported nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, anorexia, pain, sleep disturbance, fatigue, numbness, and suicidal thoughts. Participant 2 said:
During the chemotherapy period, I had nausea, fever, dizziness, and sleep disturbance. I lost my appetite. I also had shortage of breath. ... I got bored during the chemotherapy period. When I had severe nausea, I had suicidal thoughts ... As I had diarrhea, I was sick.
2.2. Immersing in the psychological burden
Sometimes, the participants had psychological issues and were depressed as a result of the long duration of hospitalization. They also felt lonely and socially isolated. Participant 5 maintained:
As I had not seen my child for several days, I felt depressed and lonely. I did not like anyone to come to my room. I hated the phone ringtone, it annoyed me. …When I looked out of the window, I felt I was in a prison. I did not like to look out of the window.
2.3. Shining light of life
After the chemotherapy days and the one-day rest, the golden moment; i.e., the “stem cells transplantation day”, was over. During stem cell injection that lasted from 1.5 to 5 hours, the participants looked at the stem cells and talked to each drop with stress and hope. When the stem cells entered their bodies, they felt pressure, numbness, and fatigue. Energy also entered their legs and fingers, and fatigue came out of their bodies gradually. They became happy after all. That day was enjoyable, with all details remaining in their minds. In fact, hope for living was emerged. Participant 9 said:
Stem cells transplantation is like planting a small tree with a root and waiting for a branch and leaf.... I am like a crashed machine that has been repaired. Now, everything is fine and my life will continue. It is like a rebirth.
2.4. Waiting for successful transplantation
During the days after transplantation, although the participants were happy, they were still stressful and concerned about the success of the transplantation. Participant 6 stated:
I was waiting for the results of the lab tests. I repeatedly asked myself whether or not the transplantation would be successful. I was always stressed and worried. So, I thought about it all the time.
2.5. Living with positive feelings
In the HSCT ward, the participants lived in a room where only nurses, doctors, and sometimes a family member were there. The participants tolerated those days using perceived social support, spirituality, and hope. Participant 11 said:
The nurses gave me some information. They told me to watch TV, use my cellphone, and use virtual networking. The doctors looked at my lab tests every day and said that my blood cells were good.... I perceived that I was very important for them.
Participant 5 maintained:
When I was in the hospital, I said my prayers. I believed that God would help me be healthy. I thanked God that there were those doctors, nurses, and transplantation facilities.
During the days of hospitalization, the participants were hopeful. They were hopeful that the days of illness would end and they would get back to healthy days. Life expectancy and hope for the future were brighter and bolder during their daily lives. As platelets and blood cells rose, life expectancy doubled, as well. Participant 3 said:
I was hopeful for myself and the other patients. You know, the transplantation is a hope. I hope for life.
3. Entering the calm beach
After discharge from the hospital, the participants arrived at the calm beach. On this beach, they coped with their life challenges through social support, spirituality, and hope. They performed self-care.
3.1. Resilience in spite of the physical burden
In this step, the participants were resilient against the physical burden, including nausea, bone pain, hot flashes, gait impairment, recurrent colds, and mucosal dryness. Participant 5 who had undergone transplantation four years ago maintained:
I have bone and leg pain, but I ignore it. Look at me, I am 26 years old, believe me. Anyone who sees me asks me whether I am 40-50 years old, because my skin is full of dark brown pigments and it seems that my face and all my body cells have been destroyed. Dry and burning eyes suffer me. My body mucosa is dry, but these don’t matter. ... Sometimes I walk with a cane. I got osteoporosis because of corticosteroid drugs, but I tolerate it.
3.2. Constant attention to blood cells count
The participants paid attention to their blood cells counts. Participant 13 maintained:
When I came back home from the hospital, my whole blood cells count was increasing gradually. Now my platelet count is 160,000. My white and red blood cells have increased, as well. But as soon as I get common cold, my whole blood cells count goes down. Of course, now my whole blood cells are within the normal range.
3.3. Conducting careful self-care
After transplantation and at home, self-care was important. In order to maintain health, the participants followed health tips, such as avoiding being in public and wearing a mask and gloves. They also avoided contact with people who had infectious diseases. Considering self-care, participant 1 stated:
A limited number of people come to my house. I communicate with my family members via telephone. I follow up treatments. I go to the doctor regularly to show my lab tests... Even though I feel hot when I wear gloves or choked when I wear a mask, I still wear them. I have to take care of myself.
3.4. Having family support
During the days following the transplantation and for several years later, the participants reported high levels of family support. Participant 11 mentioned:
My sister and her husband come to the clinic with me for visiting the hematologist. If someone catches a cold at home, s/he will wear a mask. …My mom does all my housework. She tells me not to get out of the house; she says she will buy anything I want for me.
3.5. Strong relationship with God
During these days and months, the participants continued to ask God for help and talk to God about maintaining health. Participant 3 who had been at home for 40 days said:
I believe in God in my life. If you are resilient yourself, God will help you.... I always ask God to help me get back to the days before the illness.
3.6. Valuable rebirth and continuation of life
At home, the participants knew the value of life. They thought life was more important than anything else and that their lives were brighter than ever before. They were happy to see their children grew up. Participant 4 who had been transplanted several years ago stated:
Now, I see life better than before. I appreciate life so much. To me, the important thing is that I’m living. I’m grateful for my brother who was my donor.
They looked forward to the future and saw transplantation as a rebirth. They hoped that everything would be fine in future. They hoped they would be healthy and able to find a job. Participant 12 mentioned:
To me, the future is clear. I hope everything would be good. I hope I would be healthy and my blood cells count would be normal. ... I hope for life.