Participants were 9 mothers aged between 22–50 years old who had at least on child with IEAAMs, all were housewives and three of them had experienced death of one child due to the disease (Table 1).
Table 1
participants characteristics
Participants
|
Participants1
|
Participants2
|
Participants3
|
Participants4
|
Participants5
|
Participants6
|
Participants7
|
Participants8
|
Participants9
|
Disease
|
Citrolinemia
|
propionic acidemia
|
Homocystinuria
|
MSUD
|
Leucine disorder
|
Urea cycle disorder
|
Urea cycle disorder
|
MMA
|
Glutaric academia
|
Child gender
|
girl
|
boy
|
girl
|
girl
|
boy
|
girl
|
boy
|
girl
|
boy
|
Child's age
|
3 years
|
19 months
|
16 years
|
10 years
|
15 months
|
16 years
|
3 years
|
17 years
|
3.5 years
|
Disease duration
|
2.5 years
|
1 year
|
15 years
|
10 years
|
1 years
|
16 years
|
3 years
|
8 years
|
3 years
|
Mother's age
|
22 years
|
28 years
|
50 years
|
30 years
|
34 years
|
42 years
|
34 years
|
50 years
|
26 years
|
Mother's educated
|
Under diploma
|
Software engineer
|
none
|
diploma
|
Bachelor of Theology
|
diploma
|
Under diploma
|
Under diploma
|
diploma
|
Children No.
|
1
|
1
|
5
|
3
|
1
|
4
|
2
|
3
|
1
|
No. of affected child
|
1
|
1
|
1 and 3 death
|
2
|
1
|
1
|
2 and 1 death
|
2 and 1 death
|
1
|
Thematic analysis with the selective, detailed, and wholistic approaches revealed 303 theme statements, which were compared to each other and similar themes put in a category to form stratified, main, and final themes which were 86, 12, and 6 respectively (Table 2).
Table 2
main and final themes of mothers' experience of caring a child with IEAAMs
|
Main themes
|
Final themes
|
1
|
Confused skein of diagnosis and treatment
|
Future tied to past
|
2
|
Ambiguous future capture to disease
|
3
|
Mother psychosis
|
Psychosis in the shadow of lost ideal child
|
4
|
Lost ideal child
|
5
|
Child's rebellion, Mother's helplessness
|
Rebellion and blaming, the ways of escaping difficulties
|
6
|
Suffering decrease by blaming
|
7
|
Motherhood in the shadow of disease, fear, and self-forgetting
|
Self-forgetting in the shadow of full time care
|
8
|
Full time care dependent to lots of restrictions
|
9
|
Tiny candle of hope in the duality of denial-belief
|
Passing difficulties in the duality of hope-hopelessness
|
10
|
Passing the storm of difficulties riding the boat of time, patience, and believes
|
11
|
Self-wanted isolation
|
Caring in a continuum of isolation-socialization
|
12
|
Reliving in the duality of hiding-finding sympathy
|
3.1. Future tied to past
Mothers expressed the future of their children physical, mental and intellectual health are dependent to early diagnosis and on time treatment. If the diseases were diagnosed in the neonatal period it was possible to prevent most of their unpleasant consequences such as intellectual disability. It is hard to diagnosis IEAAMs as they are rare conditions and doctors known little about them. Also, sometimes doctors misdiagnosed them with most prevalent disease such as gastroenteritis or neurologic disorders and ordered inappropriate treatment, because of their nonspecific and obscure signs and symptoms.
Participant 1, 22 years old mother: "around 4–5 months old she got diarrhea and vomiting for 1 month and her growth stopped. I started protein foods and because of her disability to excert protein, the amount of her plasma urea increased, so she became flabbier and all the time doctors thought it is because of viral diarrhea. It was too late when we brought her to this hospital, she lost her consciousness, and her ammoniac level was 612, and went to coma. After she came out of coma, intellectual problem appeared, seizures started and her brain was involved."
Moreover, an ambiguous future is in front of mothers and children. Because of the wide spectrum of these diseases, the future signs and sequels are unclear and can cause little to intensive physical and mental problems, or even death. So, parents often do not receive clear information about the prognosis and what would happen.
Participants 2, 28 years old mother "They said 1000 different things, one said he wouldn't grow, one said he became intellectual disabled, one said nothing will happen. His disease is a kind that isn't clear yet, they are saying it is unclear what will happen to him because it has a wide spectrum and it isn't clear what other things will happen, it depends what type it is, for example sometimes recur, sometimes progress, and sometimes became a little bit better."
3.2. Mentally disturbed in the shadow of lost ideal child
Since IEAAMs are rare and chronic diseases without certain cure and have side-effects and sequels in most cases, mothers experienced grief and sorrow as soon as they realized the disease. The more time passed and more signs and symptoms appeared, mothers experienced more psychological problems such as depression, and anxiety, and in some cases they even needed to go to psychiatrist and start treatment.
Participants 5, 34 years old mother "At first I didn't know what this disease is, so I searched the internet many times and each time I found worse content than the previous, cried a lot. Then I found he can't eat protein foods, has short life span, and so on. I've found out it is incurable, became disappointed, depressed, and always cried."
Most of mothers said the acceptance of child's disease was so hard because they had a healthy child for the first months or years and then his/her conditions changed suddenly not only physically but also mentally and intellectually. Mothers who had planned to have healthy children and they were their mothers' entire hope and wishes, had to watch disappearing of the obtained abilities day by day, and each day waiting for new problems happen, or new sign or symptom add.
Participants 1, 22 years old mother "If my daughter had a problem, an intellectual problem when she was born, although it was difficult; I thought it was congenital and I accepted it easier. She was healthy till 6 months old and now she is completely disabled, it is though because we had seen her abilities, her playing, and now she is disabled, it is hard."
3.3. Rebellion and blaming, the ways of escaping difficulties
Mothers and children used different ways to face disease problems. Mother sometimes blamed others like family member and healthcare professionals to escape from their problems. In a few cases mothers were blamed by family members because the disease is congenital and they thought it just transferred from mothers to children.
Participants 1, 22 years old mother "I told my husband you caused this condition happen to our child, because she was hospitalized one week in our town and doctors told us she must go to Mashhad (to a pediatric tertiary hospital) for more tests that they didn't have there, but my husband objected and said she would became well at home"
Participants 4, 30 years old mother "Family blamed me a lot, as a doctor said the disease is congenital and they thought it transferred just only from mother to child"1
As the children grow up to adolescent, sometimes they start stubbornness and non-adherence to their diet, the key element of their treatment, for breaking the restrictions of the disease.
Participant 3, mother of a 16 years old adolescent "She doesn't listen to me at all, she eats what she wants and doesn't adhere her diet. She cooks what she wants and eats them. Never listen to me."
3.4. Self-forgetting in the shadow of full time care
In families had a child with IEAAMs, the whole burden of care was on mothers. Mothers noted that the children need full-time care which is all up to them. Also, they were always in fear of the child get another disease or an infection, and her/his illness worsens.
Participants 6, 42 years old mother "Caring this child means full-time job, it is like I always have a work to do. Never free"
Participant 8, 50 years old mother "During night I check her many times, take her hands and assess if she is breathing or not, when I assure she is fine, then I thank God "
Because of multiple problems of these children, mothers were engaged fulltime in caring them and ignored their own needs and wishes. Mothers put all their attention on the children so that completely forgot themselves.
Participant 2, 28 years old mother "when I see other mothers have independence, can go out, and do their personal stuff, but I completely forget myself because caring this child is too much, I can't do anything for mine"
In addition to the time consumes for caring, there were lots of restriction that made the caring harder such as the cost of treatment, providing important and vital drugs, difficulty in accessing specialized medical centers, and the problems of preparing and bearing the special diet.
Participant 6, 42 years old mother "the cost of the disease is too much, and the insurance company doesn't support. I should have buy all of her drugs without insurance because the numbers of her drugs supported by the insurance is less than her needs. They support 10–15 tablets each month but she uses 4 tablets in a day. For me, the most important problem is providing her drugs, I must provide them before we run out of them, otherwise her plasma ammoniac level will increase, she become sick and seizures happen."
3.5. Passing difficulties in the duality of hope-hopelessness
Mothers choose different ways for facing the difficulties of caring a child with IEAAMs. Some of them believed in complete cure of the disease in future, and some denied the disease and try to provide some hope for themselves in order to bearing the difficulties.
Participant 2, 28 years old mother "I didn't believe his disease, yet. I still hope he doesn't have this disease and it will completely cure"
Participant 1, 22 years old mother "I'm hopeful that something happens and she cures"
Also, the majority of mothers could handle this situation as time passed, with patience, trust in God, and accepting the child's disease as a divine test or gift. Although some of mothers see this phenomenon as a divine torment and feel helplessness.
Participant 1, 22 years old mother "Now when I see other mothers, tell them about my diaries. When a problem happens, it is hard to accept it at first, but when you accept it you become comfort, at least you will not feel guilty. I tell them wait, everything will be right by time"
Participant 8, 50 years old mother "Whenever someone asks what you are doing with your problems? I only say God is with us. God looks at us and gave us 3 daughters, such good children. I think they are all the grace of God, and may be my daughter's disease is a test by God to see how much power I have. I always calm down my daughter and me this way."
3.6. Caring in a continuum of isolation-socialization
Most of mothers with a child with IEAAMs preferred not to communicate to others and choose isolation because of multiple reasons including taking care of the children takes too much time, they wanted to avoid others humiliating looks, and also parry the others numerous questions about the child's condition. Therefore, they selected self-wanted isolation instead of socialization.
Participant 2, 28 years old mother "Since this problem happened for my son, I didn't go to parties because of what people say. Always ask doesn't he speaks? Doesn't walk? Why you don't give him this or that food? and etc. These things annoy me a lot. I didn't tell anybody about my son's disease because his disease is unknown and if I want to explain it, at least takes 1–2 hour. What people say bother me the most ".
Sometimes mothers tried to speak to others to find sympathy and relief themselves. They found comfort in communication. Therefore, they selected socialization instead of isolation.
Participant 1, 22 years old mother "I used to talk to anyone sitting next to me, even in bus or subway. I expected to receive sympathy from all people and they all understand me, I loved to take mercy from anyone".
1- In Persian the "congenital" term translated "maternal" and that’s the reason caused some persons thought it is the mother's fault.