Participants’ demographic profile
A total of 16 young married women survivors of self-immolation in West Azerbaijan province participated in this study. The mean age was 26.73 (SD = 2.58; range = 16 to 40) years old. Half of them completed primary education, and half were housewives while seven were employed and only one was a student. Most of them had arranged marriages and resided in rural areas. Their female relatives have also performed self-immolation in the past years.
Themes
Five themes emerged from the data including: (1) overwhelming family situation and rules, (2) feelings of disappointment, anger, deprivation, depression, shame and grief, (3) Choosing self-immolation as a final solution to get rid of the sufferings, (4) accepting own mistake, and (5) seeking family support to start a new life.
Overwhelming Family Situation And Rules
Being controlled by the obligatory rules of the family was reported as overwhelming. Such feelings induced psychological problems. The women experienced tensions, negative mood, conflicts, and inability to relate to others. The attempted suicide was their choice to free them from their intolerable situation. Participant 6 stated:
“There are many days when my husband yelled at me and told me that I am so stupid and ugly. He told me he did not want to marry me. I tried to change his attitude, but I found him reluctant to speak with me. I was depressed and hid myself in another room to be safe from his verbal blame and physical violence. I think that suicide is the only way that I could escape from him.” (P.1).
Another participant said:
“Traditionally, in our family, my father makes decisions for everything, even our life or marriage. The independence of the daughter and her fate and expectations for her married life is ignored by male family members and elders which often create an unpleasant situation for her. Nobody dares to tell anything even about her future. They did not let me get married to a man that I love.” (P.12).
Feelings Of Disappointment, Anger, Deprivation, Depression, Shame And Grief
Feelings of disappointment, anger, deprivation, depression, shame and grief due to cultural and social contexts were expressed by participants in this study. In their minds, life was considered a terrible circumstance without any hope and they felt helpless. They thought that this situation puts an end to their freedom and believed that this kind of life equals death. In this regard, one of the participants said:
“Even thinking of my life is frightening; imagine someone telling you that you have to marry a man that you do not love and continue your lifetime with him! I was constantly crying for my misfortune, deprivation and loneliness. My father told me I do not have the right to return to our home if I get a divorce and my family will be ashamed. It was terrible and I was disappointed and ready to die.”(P.9).
Another participant stated:
“…I got severe physical problems in my body. I thought the causes of them were concerns about my terrible future. I experienced insomnia and anxiety. When my husband reminded me of his decision for divorce, I got nervous; I become disappointed… I should have done something”(P.16).
Another participant said:
“When I compare my life with other women in my family, I feel hatred towards myself, my husband and my circumstances. I do not have anything. We are too poor and have no bright future. I could not go out to get pills. So, self-immolation for me was the only way to kill myself.”(P.3).
Choosing self-immolation as a final solution to get rid of the sufferings
Choosing self-immolation was a final solution to stop the women’s sufferings. It was difficult for them to think that they can continue their life in a difficult circumstance. This state was worse for the women who married at an early age and for those who were not supported by their family and relatives. Some women said that they were going mad when they heard that they should married men who were very old or did not love them completely. Usually, severe reactions to their circumstance happened after pregnancy. Some participants shared their experiences as follows:
“I was a very clever student, but my family did not let me go to high school. I was shocked when my father told me to marry an old man in my village; I thought, my God, why? I could not believe it, so I decided to kill myself.”(P.5).
“When my mother told me that, I was confused; I thought if we were rich, this event would not happen. I decided to burn myself but did not know how!? I suddenly poured gasoline on my head and then set my own body on fire.”(P.14).
“My husband divorced me, and I felt humiliated. I cannot bear the blame from my family. Quarreling with them caused me to think about suicide every day and I wanted to make them feel guilty. I thought self-burning is the only way of freedom from intolerable consequences of divorce. So, I decided to burn myself because I thought this method would kill me faster than the other methods.”(P.10).
Accepting Own Mistake
Accepting own mistake after suicide were mentioned by the participants. All of them were regretful and stated that they will not repeat this wrong act. They believed that suicide was the result of being impatient; therefore, they blamed themselves for committing it. Some of them considered their own wrong behavior as the reason for their problems. The aftermath of self-immolation had been an awakening process for the participants that they should have done more reflections about the root cause of their problems. Indeed, they blame the culture and the society but they also believed that they could also have done something to resolve the issues they were facing. Being open about the problems they were experiencing may have abated their self-immolation. A participant who survived self-immolation said:
“I want to marry again. I should not kill myself and am happy for being alive. I did not tell about my experience of domestic violence to my family. Now I am very regretful for revealing my secrets. What a stupid thing I have done! I will never do that again.”(P.6).
Another participant voiced:
“I had no problem in my marital life. One day, I argued with my husband; I was so nervous, so I decided to kill myself. At present I am ashamed and ask myself why I did so?!”(P.2).
Seeking Family Support To Start A New Life
Participants were worried about their uncertain future, but they do not have enough emotional or social support. Fear of being alone, failing to continue their normal life and low self-esteem were the main reasons for seeking support. Findings indicated that participants have many difficulties to begin their new life without enough support. Many of them explained that they have no person to help them:
“I was a child, when my mother died and responsibility for the care of other members of my family fell on me. When we really needed help, no support was available. So, I decided to escape and get married to get rid of my miserable life. If I had had some support, I would not have married.”(P.4).
The participants reported that having family support can help the women to return to a normal life even if they get divorced. For the participants, family acceptance was very important for them to return home and begin a new life after self-immolation as they already learned their mistake and understood why they did it. Some of the participants described their experience as follows:
“Now I did that… I should never give up. My father accepted his mistakes and promised to help me get back to my own feet.”(P.7).
“Negative thoughts have occupied my mind. So, I wanted to be near my family to get their help.”(P.13).
“After this mistake happened, I became more depended to my family… I felt that they are the only ones that can help me… Now I feel they have forgiven me for my foolish deed.”(P.8).