We contextualised the older people’s reported life stories in their ongoing lives, in which the boundaries between past, present and even future were fluid and interconnected. As such, we sought to explore how both the explicit and hidden meanings of their experiences, not as a completely new composite but rooted in their biography, have been continuously constructed and negotiated alongside their life course. Four interconnected themes have been developed for this section: (1) biographical construction of emotional barriers, (2) biographical pain, (3) diminishing selfhood and (4) sharing life stories as a means of retaining biography. Theme 1 underlines the biographical circumstances that gave rise to emotional challenges in old age. Theme 2 and 3 capture the experiences of how life histories may persist, overshadowing older people’s emotional lives and conversely how losing these lived lives alongside ageing could also prompt deeply painful emotional distress. Theme 4 highlights the older people’s responses to various emotional challenges and how their emotional strength and growth were fostered or reaffirmed during the interview process. In so doing, we aimed to show the significance of retaining the integrity and consistency of biographies and how older people sought to do so by interacting with socio-cultural scripts and by constructing individual meanings. To protect the confidentiality of our participants, pseudonyms are used throughout and all identifying materials are removed.
Biographical construction of emotional barriers
In our study, many older people reported progressive declines in physical activity, social connections and emotional-cognitive strength due to bodily deterioration, immobility, bereavement and terminal illness. When conducting the analysis, we scrutinised these challenges not as isolated circumstances resulting from the process of ageing but as experiences deeply entwined within life histories41 .
Evident in these older people’s accounts of their ageing-related challenges is a myriad of barriers in retaining emotional strength in their ongoing lives. Our participants were often faced with challenging circumstances of losing people and things that have long helped them retain meanings and resources central to their identity. More than half of our participants had recently lost their spouse and other close families/friends. By analysing their reported experiences connected to their life histories, we found that these losses might not only prompt emotional voids of attachment, security and connectedness in old age, but could also shatter the long-term emotional resources that they had always employed to (re)affirm their taken-for-granted lives and identities. Paula (aged 72) felt she was nobody after losing her husband whom she had long lived with and cared for:
Paula: “[W]hile he was alive and I was his full-time carer, companion, friend, we had a ball even though he was in a wheelchair, but when he was gone I didn’t know where I fitted anymore. I didn’t know who I was anymore because I wasn’t…”
These emotional barriers could also arise from the loss of good health and physical capabilities that to date had determined their strength in fulfilling their roles and responsibilities in their lived lives. After suffering a stroke, David (aged 80) strongly conveyed his sadness and frustration about the changing caregiving roles between him and his wife and ultimately about the loss of his ‘old’ self as a healthy and capable husband. Only by employing such a biographical approach can one begin to appreciate the constructions of self that David’s loss of autonomy in old age confronted:
David: “Well, my wife has always had a difficult hip and right from the days of ironing her blessed skirts I’ve been the one who can do things. I just got on with it… But now, it’s her who has to put my shirt on me. And at this present time, with my left arm sitting pretty well useless in my lap, I’m finding it so, so difficult.”
The risks of losing one’s emotional strength in the past were not only attributed to ageing-related losses but might also be deeply rooted in their earlier life histories. By embedding their varied emotional barriers in the ongoing process of their lives, we discovered that many older people (especially men) embodied a ‘stiff upper lip’ mentality, which reflects unique cultural, generational, gendered and familial circumstances many of the older people shared in their earlier life. Like many others, Simon (aged 92) showed us how older people’s abilities to express emotions and seek support could be historically smothered and how this could undermine their strength in facing varied challenges in old age:
Simon: “You had to keep a stiff upper lip as it was called and I suppose that’s stuck with me. I mean, people in my generations who came through the war, not that we were fighting, I was too young, a child, a boy, you had to get on with all sorts of things… [but] I feel sorry for myself at times when you are sat and you think oh god, I do wish she [my wife] was here and I do miss her.”
From a methodological perspective, by situating our analysis within the framework of the participants’ biography and life history, we were afforded a useful analytic lens to more fully consider how the older people’s emotional barriers (circumstances) intersected with their prior lived experiences. Further, the analytic approach allowed us to more fully elucidate the significance of our findings not just in the now but across the life span of the older people, making succinct connections between events across their biography in relation to their current emotional challenges. In so doing, we were then provided a platform, from which to explore the older people’s experiences and responses to these varied emotional challenges in the ongoing construction of their biography moving forward (as shown below).
Biographical pain
By conducting a deep reading of these older people’s life stories, we were able to capture some profound emotional pains that they carried with them from across their life course. Whilst sharing the benefits and contentedness of growing older, these older people often also hinted at the (re)surfacing of painful and distressing narratives and memories that had previously been buried in the busyness of independent living and excitement of being ‘young’. Coined as ‘biographical pain’ by gerontologists, such deeply painful recollections may become increasingly difficult to ‘put right’ as older people lose close others and things key to their emotional strength alongside ageing30.
When reflecting on their lived lives, the older people often reported traumas and regrets in the past deeply ‘engraved’ on their biography. Such deep pains might remain or even intensify in old age, as reported by Jane (aged 80) who spoke about her the insecurity and lack of confidence due to mistreatment during childhood that continued to haunt her emotional life in old age:
Jane: “So from an early childhood I learnt that I was a bad person. My brother certainly told me that. I was stupid, ugly, etc… I mean, last year my daughter-in-law, the French one, started suddenly explaining to me what a worthless person I was and I burst out in tears and it took me months to think, well, poor you, if you are not able to like me, how horrible must that be for you, how horrible to hate.”
As a result of losing resources to retain emotional strength when growing older, the regrets accumulated in earlier life could be revived, deeply questioning the worthiness of their lived lives and the integrity of self. Again, as we found from Jane’s interview, after having a busy life spending her time to the fullest, she felt guilt for not having provided enough support to her sons – she burst into tears and said:
Jane: “I hope they forgive me for all the things I did not do and all different things they needed.”
Such biographical pain was vividly illuminated by the storytelling approach outlined above. Key in our analysis was the focus on the coherence of human biography and how not only growth but also pain in earlier life may remain influential in old age. By contextualising confrontation of profoundly painful emotional challenges in old age within the life course, we were afforded a biographical lens to more holistically and historically understand the deeper roots of the older people’s emotional pains.
Diminishing selfhood
Prior to this point we have elucidated how our method can be used to extrapolate links to participants lived lives and to understand their emotional challenges in relation to their previous biographical experiences. This theme will now illustrate how the biographical construction of their current ‘self’ in relation to their past is carried forward and confronted in the future as they age. Integral to their emotional challenges was a realisation that their lives, memories, narratives and identity were increasingly forgotten, unimportant and had been irretrievably lost alongside their ageing29.
After living a long life full of experiences and memories, many older people talked about their fear of fading away in a sense that their lives would be forgotten as they grow older. As experienced by Iris (aged 90), living to be old could prompt deep and often growing pains of feeling disconnected and alienated from the external world due to varied ageing-related losses:
Iris: “The only other thing is of course that most of my friends are dead. I’m 90 on Christmas day and when I go through my life, my school friends, most of them are gone, my college friends, most of them are gone. I’m the only in-law left, I’m the only great grandparent left. So that aspect of the extended family becomes less and less… Yes, then it becomes lonely as regard your future and your past life and the people that I was familiar with, people that I worked with, of course, and the people that I had social contact with and relatives. My own family, I’ve only got one brother left and my husband was Dutch, and the Dutch family, one sister-in-law. So I’m finding that I’m standing alone as regards my former life.”
The older people could further confront pains of feeling that their lives no longer mattered and their biography was becoming increasingly unimportant. This finding was only unveiled by understanding what the participants perceived as important in their lived lives to date and then exploring what elements of their lived experiences may be confronted and undermined in the future. Both Emma (aged 77) and Harold (aged 91) highlighted their emotional struggles of longing for the authenticity of their own being:
Emma: “Absolutely, and ‘who am I?’ This is why old people talk about their lives, their past, or whatever, because they want you to know who they really are inside of the old visage.”
Harold: “My life? Nobody wants to know about my life!”
Underneath these pains of fading away, we found that there was also a more existential awareness of the approaching mortality and the finite nature of their lives. As they age and continuously confront a multitude of losses and challenges, many older people felt death closer than it had ever been before. Robert (aged 72) painfully realised that death was no longer a distant reality after losing his friends:
Robert: “I did sort of think, a couple of years back, ‘Oh, I’m now at the age that Jim died.’ But it’s one of the things that you come to learn, these things happen in life, I’m afraid. There was a young lady, younger than us, again died of cancer. That was one of our bridge group. We sort of knew it was going to happen, but it happened quicker than was expected, and again, that brings home your mortality.”
The rich lives lived by the older people, as illustrated above, could come under threat as a result of ageing, losing others and ultimately confronting the inevitable fate of death. Our analysis ascribed a deeper meaning to older people’s emotional challenges of helplessness, worries and even fears. That is, we drew upon their biographical life stories to capture how their cherished memories and relationships (which have long defined who they are) could be left behind, thus causing emotional pain at a more existential level.
Sharing life stories as a means of retaining biography
Employing our methodological approach of integrating older people’s narratives and experiences into their life histories afforded us a meaningful context to better understand why (circumstances) and how (experiences) these older people encountered varied emotional pains alongside ageing. Such an approach has also illuminated their dynamic responses to adopt, reject and revise existing resources to (re)negotiate meaning for varied emotional challenges. Research has long highlighted older people’s agency to reclaim their resilience and strength in facing challenges in varied life aspects. Our analysis has further enriched this understanding by shedding light on these older people’s emotional needs, and more precisely how their emotional needs in old age may be shaped, undermined and restored, in alignment with their life histories and lived experiences.
The above analysis has shown that the older people’s emotional challenges could be experienced in a pervasive and often deeply painful manner as a result of multifaceted losses threatening their taken-for-granted lives and meaning. We found that the older people’s efforts to alleviate emotional challenges focused on maintaining/restoring key resources (e.g., family connection, social and community support) that have long help them stay strong and consistent. The unique biographical lens we employed further illuminated a deeper dimension of their responses, that was to preserve the meaningfulness of their lived lives and their being, potentially in the face of painful memories and fading existence in the world. For example, after moving closer to his daughter and her family, Craig (aged 72) and his wife Jacqueline (aged 71) confronted a profound need to carry on their memories and identities in the family beyond the finitude of their lives:
Craig: “We are creating a memory box for each of them [grandsons] where we’ve written a kind of autobiography each of our life, the interesting bits anyway, the bits that we want them to know… We are finding it quite cathartic and quite nice and I would like to think that in 50 years’ time, our grandson will show this information to his grandchildren.”
Some older people also demonstrated a concern with passing on their lived experiences as wisdom to others in wider society. Helen (aged 64) found sharing her views on positivity in life to be fulfilling and it helped her to reaffirm her meaning and being in old age:
Helen: “So, my mantra is focus on strengths, which makes your weaknesses irrelevant … ‘we appreciate our strengths rather than constantly looking for problems?’ So that has become part of my thing here as well, when I’m talking to people. It’s very much reminding them of their life experiences and their strength and wisdom and things like that.”
Despite this, we also noticed that not many older people had only realised the power of life-story-telling until the interview (much like Helen who felt the experience was eye-opening after talking about her fondness with her late parents), in which they were able to talk freely about their concerns and memories across their lifespan, helping them further make sense of their lived experienced and appreciate their lives:
Interviewer: “Yes, it’s just such an extraordinary story.”
Helen: “Well, relating it to you makes me appreciate it more, because it’s something I just took for granted and never questioned. But the depth of it suddenly, talking to you, I thought oh wow, I must tell my brother and sister that.”
By putting older people’s often under-recognised and undervalued stories into their broader social and biographical contexts, our analysis suggested that these older people faced a lack of accessible platforms to share their life stories in everyday life; this may have been due to losses of long-lasting resources for emotional support alongside ageing. This situation was further compounded by the deprivation of a story-telling literacy in wider society where both older people and others had little knowledge about the benefits of sharing and listening to life stories. This issue was illuminated by Jennifer (aged 75), who lost cherished resources to face and deal with her long-lasting emotional pains. After seeing her adult children become independent and moving from a long-lived neighbourhood to a retirement village, she found:
Jennifer:” This is what I miss a lot, a private space to talk … All my life I’ve suffered … and some things I do find very hard, like this illness now. With everything that’s gone wrong, I would have liked to talk to somebody, no advice, I want to let off steam, I suppose. But it doesn’t happen…”
It was only by adopting our biographical approach and enabling participants to tell their life stories so openly that the participants began to see the evident benefits/needs of storytelling and that we as researchers fully appreciated its methodological significance. This methodological value lies in better capturing older people’s emotional challenges and their dynamic responses to said challenges. The biographical lens could act as ‘cathartic’ tool for the older people, and also as an insightful analytical approach to understanding their emotional needs in old age more accurately and acutely within their broader biographical context.