Next-of-kin in palliative care are consistently living with the knowledge of an imminent and inevitable loss of the ill person. Since they cannot influence the outcome of this situation, they often feel helpless and powerless. Struggling with helplessness emerged in this grounded theory as the main concern for next-of-kin. This helplessness includes an involuntary waiting for the inevitable. The waiting causes sadness and frustration, which in turn increases the helplessness. Feeling helpless is brutal and extremely stressful and has an impact on all involved. Since it is difficult and energy-draining to consistently live in helplessness, the next-of-kin need to evade this situation to emotionally survive and return to normalcy, the everyday things that are always going on. This is accomplished by handling the situation with different strategies; although it might not make a difference in the long run, the ill person will still die.
The theory Constructing stability explains the pattern of behaviour through which next-of-kin handle their complex struggle with helplessness. In Constructing stability, there is a wish to create an everyday normal life that is solid ground, which helps the next-of-kin go on. The theory involves the following strategies: Shielding, Acknowledging the reality, Going all in, Putting up boundaries, Asking for help, and Planning for the inescapable. There are several conditions that can influence the theory and there are also several feasible combinations of the strategies in the theory. The strategies can be used separately or simultaneously; as they are not always completely detached, they can be mixed and overlap each other, depending on the often complex circumstances. Depending on the different combinations of strategies, there are different theory outcomes. Some strategies may help next-of-kin to move on while some may leave them feeling even more frustrated and struggling.
Shielding
When using Shielding, imaginary blinders are used consciously or unconsciously, which hide what is ‘actually’ going on. Next-of-kin hold on to the notion that ‘everything is fine’, nothing is wrong and that life is going on exactly as it always has. In Shielding the next-of-kin are in a vulnerable state. Shielding is like a soap bubble that easily bursts by trigger points like a sudden impairment of the ill person, a visit to the hospital, or when the next-of-kin starts thinking about what lies ahead and realise that they have been living in denial. Seeing the progress of the illness does not meld with the Shielding strategy. The next-of-kin come to a dividing line and must ask themselves what is most important; to live in denial or to face reality. Persistently blocking out reality will eventually lead to a situation in which the ill person is also shut out. Shielding can thus be difficult to maintain over time. However, if the next-of-kin can maintain this strategy, the consequence is disconnection from veracity, which leads to no need for other strategies. By facing the truth, next-of-kin may shift to the strategy Acknowledging the reality.
Acknowledging the reality
The strategy Acknowledging the reality can be used after Shielding or it can be used directly when realising what is going on with the ill person. It means accepting the situation and not turning away from the reality that the ill person is not going to get well again. When the next-of-kin do so, they try to find strength in doing the familiar and ordinary things together with the ill person; in other words, maintaining a life that is not changed by the illness, or at least, affected as little as possible. It is a way of trying to embrace life to the fullest. This strategy follows the next-of-kin through the course of events unless they shift back to Shielding or shift into Shielding for the first time since the reality is too much to take.
Going all in
In Going all in, the next-of-kin are doing as much as possible to support the ill person. There is nothing that can stop them and they sometimes end up being with the person 24/7, with no time at all for themselves. Going all in can thus be immensely demanding, leaving no time for the next-of-kin to reflect on their emotions. Time for themselves is not considered important. It is a choice they make, to be there merely for the ill person. As a husband, wife, or child you are expected to go all in. This decision can be based on a pure act of love or it can be based on a reasoning that it is the only moral thing to do. Going all in can lead to next-of-kin falling ill themselves. The next-of-kin can be so tired but see no alternative but to be there by the ill person’s side, no time to feel, just being in the situation. This is often overlooked at first, and sometimes not taken seriously until the person has died. Worries about how time will last and about one’s personal finances can also affect how the next-of-kin handle the situation.
Going all in involves Hanging in there, which means following the ill person in the ‘ups and downs’ and constantly being by his/her side. This can create wonderful moments with possibilities to capture the small things in life, like seeing the birds outside in the birdhouse, taking a short walk, or preparing dinner. Capturing moments to remember is important to minimise helplessness. However, Hanging in there can also involve moments of despair, as it connects to how the illness is progressing; for example going to a doctor’s appointment and receiving sad information.
Going all in can further involve Standing up for, since the next-of-kin feel the need to step up for the ill person. This is owing to the perception that the person is not receiving acceptable care. It can be about the home care service not working properly for example not getting food, lack of medication, not being helped to the toilet and so on. The next-of-kin then try to compensate for the absence of care and be with the ill person all the time. They also pressure involved health professionals to ensure that everything is ‘done right’ for the person. Standing up for is also used when the ill person does not have the strength to speak up for himself/herself. The next-of-kin then acts as a spokesperson.
Putting up boundaries
Contrasting Going all in, Putting up boundaries is used when putting time into being together with the ill person is considered more important than basic caregiving needs or household work. Putting up boundaries can also be a way to not use the strategy Going all in, if the demands are too much. It is a reasoning with oneself that emerges from an insight into what is most important in the complex situation: to persist through the course of events i.e. the person’s illness and dying, Putting up boundaries and persisting through the opinions of others requires strong belief that the next-of-kin maintain their points of view concerning what is most important. If that is not possible, they can instead end up using the strategy Going all in once again or for the first time.
Putting up boundaries involves Keeping roles intact and Saving one’s strength. When Keeping roles intact, the next-of-kin are very clear and firm about what they will and will not do when it comes to being involved in the ill person’s care. Choosing not to help the person with personal hygiene, changing diapers, showering etc. can be a way of keeping the family roles intact; for example, by saying: ‘I am a wife and not a care worker’. Saving one’s strength by requesting help with cleaning, washing, and cooking to enable quality time with the ill person is also a Putting up boundaries approach.
Asking for help
If next-of-kin are on the continuum from Going all in to Putting up boundaries, the strategy Asking for help will be increasingly visible. It evolves from the fact that the next-of-kin often strive to handle the entire situation by themselves as long as possible, by Going all in; however, sometimes this is not conceivable. They wait until there is no return since it is often difficult to show helplessness. Next-of-kin can thus be reluctant to ask for help; however, they eventually realise that they must. They cannot handle the situation without help. The closer they get to Putting up boundaries the more this asking might turn into a demand; however, before that, the next-of-kin struggle with showing that they are not able to handle the situation on their own.
Asking for help from the extended family or outside the family can feel like a failure; however, it can also be a relief because next-of-kin experience compassion and a willingness of others to ease their many times complex burdens. Moreover, if the next-of-kin have positive relationships with healthcare providers, other relatives, and friends and if they feel that they can discuss their situation without being questioned, Asking for help might not be needed. The help comes because it is noticed what is needed and by doing that, the help is arranged. To get help can thus be a comforting surprise when next-of-kin realise that they are not alone.
Asking for help can however also lead to being questioned by healthcare providers, other relatives, and friends, if they really are doing a good enough job when caring for the ill person. This in turn, leads to feelings of despair and feelings of ‘not being good enough’, which are hard to reconcile. Next-of-kin might then return to Going all in again.
Planning for the inescapable
Through the whole situation of being next-of-kin in palliative care there is also a need for Planning for the inescapable, which means facing the ill person’s forthcoming death; for example to discuss how funeral arrangements should be arranged, how personal financial matters, and so on should be sorted out. To have conversations with the person about what will happen during the nearest future, but also what will happen after the death. Although what lies ahead is cruel and sad, talking about it can be a relief. Planning for the inescapable is firmly connected with the ill person’s inevitable death. This is a strategy that some families use early on during the course of illness. However, not all next-of-kin, nor the ill persons, can handle these conversations. They can be too overwhelming and might cause too much sorrow to the persons involved; therefore, this strategy might be avoided. The next-of-kin might instead employ Shielding.
Time aspects in Planning for the inescapable can be hard to determine; however, it is explicit that the closer to death the person gets the more inevitable this talking and planning becomes. It is a way of Acknowledging the reality and awaiting the death to come. It is a paradox; in one way, the death is not wanted; however, in another way, it is something to look forward to, as an end of suffering. Although this is dichotomously, the next-of-kin can see the forthcoming death in both these ways simultaneously. They are struggling with wanting to keep the ill person alive and letting him/her go concurrently. This might lead to a guilty conscience or sorrow as the next-of-kin often find themselves alone with their struggle since they feel that they cannot share their thoughts with the ill person and cannot Plan for the inescapable together. If they feel that they can share these thoughts with the person this planning might instead be a way to reach mutual understanding where they can support each other.
Conditions influencing the theory Constructing stability
There are several conditions that may impact the theory Constructing stability, which strategies are used, and what the outcomes might be. Some conditions that emerged in this theory are time, personal finances, attitudes from extended family and friends and availability of healthcare resources.
Having time is something that next-of-kin, if possible, try to plan by choosing what to do themselves and what to ask for or demand help with. Time is also connected to financial matters, as being able to spend time with the ill person without having to think about financial aspects may reduce helplessness. Thus, not having money or worrying about having enough money by having to be on leave from work may negatively affect the next-of-kin’s caregiving. These conditions are easier to handle for the next-of-kin who are retired since their finances are less affected compared to those who have to work. Further next-of-kin who run their own businesses can adjust their working time; however, they often lose opportunities or will eventually need to catch up on work that is missed.
Extended family and friends can be a most welcome support if the next-of-kin feel comfortable with their involvement; however, there is a difference between being helped and being questioned concerning the care of the ill person. If the next-of-kin feel judged by extended family and/or friends it can lead to feelings of inadequacy or shame.
Some next-of-kin, who themselves work in healthcare or have previous healthcare experiences feel that they have a shorter way into healthcare services. Knowing what to do and knowing who to turn to when help is needed facilitates the situation. However, next-of-kin also feel taken advantage of when healthcare providers know about their experiences: they do not receive information, or they are assumed to be able to handle things on their own without being properly asked if that is okay. Having healthcare knowledge is also a hindrance because the next-of-kin might feel that the care the ill person is receiving is insufficient.
Next-of-kin strive to do the best they can in Constructing stability, regardless of the time and cost restraints and they may find themselves at a continuum between two extreme poles: Going all in and Putting up boundaries. Some end up Going all in, which might involve Going with the flow and/or Standing up for, while others are Putting up boundaries that might involve Keeping roles intact and/or Saving one’s strength; however, most move back and forth between these poles.
Feasible combinations of theory strategies
The different strategies in the theory can, as mentioned before, be used separately or simultaneously; however, some combinations are impossible (see Table 1).
For example, next-of-kin can never use the strategy Shielding while simultaneously adopting any of the strategies that include acknowledging the reality. However, strategies that are concerned with Putting up boundaries, and avoidance can be combined with Shielding.
There are also combinations that can both work and not work depending on the circumstances. For example Standing up for can be combined with Keeping roles intact and Saving one’s strength. When next-of-kin are Standing up for this may be to keep roles intact so that healthcare providers do not make all the decisions in the care of the ill person. Standing up for can, on the other hand be impossible to combine with Keeping roles intact since it involves a shift in the family, where the ill person no longer can speak for himself/herself. Standing up for can also be utilised to save strength. To have a say in what is needed in care and how this care should be given can lead to a mutual understanding between next-of-kin and healthcare providers, which lead to cooperative relationships that is strength saving. Saving one’s strength can also be difficult to combine with situations where the next- of kin stands up for the ill person. Standing up for can demand a lot of effort, making it impossible to save one’s strength.
Feasible outcomes of the theory
There are several outcomes of the theory; however, two outcomes appear explicitly. To help and support the ill person can sometime ease the helplessness that is felt. To do something worthwhile and to be there can create Feelings of being honoured and make a difference in the midst of helplessness. It provides strength that is needed through the course of the illness and after the person has died. However, it is not always possible for the next-of-kin to have the strength to be this helpful which leads to Feelings of frustration when inability to handle the situation occurs. Next-of-kin sometime handle this frustration by expressing anger, which can be aimed at the ill person, healthcare providers, other family members, or internally. It can also have no aim and rather just cause them to handle the situation hastily. The anger does not lead to any constructive solutions; instead, it often leads to the next-of-kin having a guilty conscience, attempting to compensate by Going all in.
METHODOLOGICAL CONSIDERATIONS
This study used a classic grounded theory to explore the main concern of next-of-kin in palliative care and how they handle this concern. The theory that emerged – Constructing stability - explains the latent behaviour and elucidates of the strategies that next-of-kin utilize to cope with feelings of helplessness. However, the theory cannot claim to be representative of next-of-kin’s entire behaviour during palliative care in all contexts. Nonetheless it should be emphasized that grounded theory generates hypotheses that are conceptual, and abstract of time, place, and people [20]. This means that although this theory is in the field of palliative care, it can be applied and modified to other areas, for example, when people feel helpless during radical life changes.
The first nine interviews were not recorded and transcribed verbatim, which could be discussed because field notes do not cover all details in the interviews. However, in classic grounded theory, the focus is on common concerns and repeated patterns in the data, and recorded and transcribed interviews may increase the risk of focusing more on individual details than on repeating patterns of behavior in the data [18, 20].
According to Glaser [18], a classic grounded theory should be judged by its fit, relevance, workability, and modifiability. Fit means how well the concepts fit the data that they are representing. To achieve this, no pre-existing theoretical perspective or preconceived concepts were used; instead, all the concepts emerged from the collected data through constant comparison. Relevance means that the emerged concepts are related and relevant to the main concern. To address relevance, the data were collected and analysed until saturation was obtained. Both authors were involved in the analysis, however the first authors did the main coding of the data. The concepts and the emerging theory was also discussed in a palliative care research group. The theory has been shown to be applicable to the studied area when presenting the theory at workshops. Workability means that the theory explains how the main concern is resolved. Therefore, the analysis was focused on finding a core concept that explains how the main concern is resolved with as much variation as possible. Lastly, the criterion modifiability concerns how the theory can be modified with new data as mentioned above.