The empirical findings prompted an iterative process resulting in the identification of the following three themes related to loneliness in life with RA:
- Explanations of loneliness in everyday life with rheumatoid arthritis
- Disclosing or disguising loneliness
- Feelings of loneliness in social life
4.1 Explanations of loneliness in everyday life with RA
To some of the participants, the inception of loneliness was related to becoming ill with RA. They provided a story of loneliness rooted in physical limitations, fatigue and pain – and for some of the participants the mental stress increased concurrently with the diagnosis and progression of RA. One participant told a story filled with expressions of loneliness, but yet she claimed not to be lonely in general. Her loneliness was present as a direct consequence of the RA, and she was able to separate disease-specific loneliness from her “normal” self.
I do not consider myself lonely, but maybe I´m lonely in the illness because I choose to hide it and that´s it. If I chose to focus on it, I would unwrap it and say, okay you´re lonely because you don´t have anybody else, but I didn´t do anything to look for anybody, right…Well I might be lonely ‘in the illness,’ as in ‘chronically ill.’ But I as a person am definitely not lonely. (ID 06)
Physical limitations carried special weight for most of the male participants. They shared stories wherein RA-induced loneliness was connected to their self-understanding of their male identity and to feelings of expectations attached to masculinity and male gender roles. Physical limitations from RA symptoms restricted social participation in certain activities linked to gender identity formation, and this further led to a threat of social exclusion that required coping skills.
So, as a man with arthritis, it´s possibly a little bit more…you just have to live with it, right. And be more independent. And I think you get a bit more tough, right. Well. A bit more: ”Oh, but I can just manage on my own”, right. (ID 09)
Other participants articulated the experience of loneliness as being exacerbated by RA, but primarily connected to early life events which impacted their social interaction skills, social participation, and feelings of loneliness. One participant reflected upon this and interpreted her feeling of loneliness as a direct effect of being sexually abused in childhood.
It probably has to do with my childhood, because I´m an institutionalized child and have been since I was a baby, and I´ve moved so many times in my life that I never had any attachment – that is, I know a lot of people, but not anybody that I see in, like, private. (ID 03)
To this participant, childhood neglect was perceived as the direct cause of her experience of loneliness in adulthood.
The participants who revealed specific life circumstances from their upbringing, or who claimed that their loneliness was rooted in their personality, regarded loneliness as a determining factor in their life. The RA diagnosis was seen as yet another burden of their intrinsic loneliness, because physical limitations, pain, fatigue and diminished mental strength made it even more difficult to stay in meaningful activities, communities or relations.
…and of course, it´s related to my personality, my upbringing and everything, because once you are betrayed, well then you´re let down, and there´s nothing to do (…) And actually that´s the biggest obstacle in my loneliness, I think. (ID 08)
On the contrary, participants who considered loneliness as a direct consequence of living with RA rejected the narrative of personality or childhood factors initiating their feeling of loneliness, even if they had experienced a traumatic upbringing.
That [loneliness] feels like it has just something to do with my illness. […] Because of this, when I place it inside, it can sometimes be negative because you don´t get to ask for help enough […] but I really can´t find that feeling of loneliness in my personality. (ID 07)
Other participants perceived loneliness as a positive experience or even as a contemplative practice that helped them to stay focused or gain a reprieve from everyday life. In this sense, they did not distinguish loneliness from being alone. But although they found positive angles to loneliness, they too reported negative emotions connected to being lonely.
…When I am having a bad time, that I just, am allowed to dwell on it by being myself and to be alone and lonely and to be able to work with the things, I think is difficult for me. So, this, by accepting that I can´t do everything! (ID 15)
This explanation demonstrated how stories could help transform loneliness into a positive, meaningful and maybe even necessary experience in living with RA – something that was perhaps also helpful in managing the illness.
4.2 Disclosing or disguising loneliness
Most participants expressed difficulties in explaining what loneliness meant to them in their life with RA, how it emerged, and if/how they managed to be open about it. As one participant explained:
Along the road, then it´s me trying to work with that loneliness. And I find it difficult being lonely. And to call it loneliness. Because I bloody don´t want to be lonely! You know, it means something to me too, not to be lonely. And to talk about it, to disclose it in some way, right? And actually, this is probably the worst part of being lonely and what keeps you in loneliness, I suppose. (ID 08)
Similarly, all participants spoke about the difficulty of revealing their loneliness, and it became clear that loneliness was not something one discussed openly with friends, colleagues or family members. One participant mentioned that loneliness was nearly taboo, and other participants confirmed this, though without explicitly naming it: ”Well yes, it´s hard to share this about being lonely because it´s like…a taboo area” (ID 07).
The trouble with expressing loneliness also became clear when some participants articulated that they had not revealed their experience of loneliness to even their closest confidantes. One male participant found that sharing the experience of loneliness with his partner was much harder than sharing suicidal thoughts.
Some participants reasoned that they could have or should have been more active in preventing exclusion and loneliness in order to become a more active part of society. They expressed feelings of guilt and resignation with regard to their future activities and responsibilities in preventing loneliness.
(…) So it usually ends up with that I actually am alone and think ”Okay, will it ever change, will I ever work again (…) why don´t I just go to see someone that I can talk to?” So I do feel alone sometimes, it is self-inflicted when you don´t get out, but I just think it´s hard, it´s very hard. Yes, I feel alone many many many times, I do. (ID 11)
Some participants had an accepting attitude towards their loneliness. However, they stated a wish for the health care practitioners to listen to their stories of loneliness and maybe to offer counselling and advice. On the other hand, they felt it was difficult to share these stories, since their relationship with the health care professionals was considered too superficial to share existential problems. Many participants reported that the most important thing in a clinical consultation was to be listened to, whereas specific solutions were less important.
4.3 Feelings of loneliness in social life
A large portion of the participants shared stories about feeling excluded from societies or from social activities as part of their experience of loneliness. The restricted access to social life was based on both physical restraints and a lack of mental energy, and for most of the participants these limitations were viewed as consequences of their RA.
Many participants expressed that employment helped them to establish an identity, where recognition and value of the individual was essential. When the illness led to physical limitations, sick leave or unemployment, the consequences were withdrawal from social contact or an experience of social exclusion. Thoughts related to the future, the job situation and the family were difficult to share with others, because most of the participants had encountered a lack of understanding from others: their identity and sense of self became related to shame, stigma or social exclusion.
Yes, but I do tell my friends now and again that I feel lonely, really. They can sort of go to work. And have social relations. If I want to create any contacts...well then I have to do something myself, and that´s the case every single day. I really miss being in the job market, right. (ID 07)
Many participants shared their thoughts on the possible future development of their RA, and some mentioned a fear of worsening disabilities, aging, and feeling even more lonely. The connection between old age and experiencing loneliness was mentioned by almost all 17 participants. The risk of being exposed to a kind of double loneliness, that of being left alone and losing your partner, thus losing one’s sense of self and not being able to participate in everyday life, was seen as a scary negative spiral that most participants had reflected upon: ”…when you´re withdrawing, you´re lonely in your own loneliness. Because you don´t get out to make those social relations, so I probably become more and more of a loner on account of that” (ID 07).
Most participants had constructive intentions to reduce their loneliness, but it was obvious that it was often hard work to implement these intentions in their everyday life.
(…) Then when you sit there, feel sad and have the feeling that you don´t have anybody, even though you know that you could just text or phone or do something, but you´re sitting all alone. You just don´t take the next step to get over it. Then you feel very alone. (ID 01)
The need for strategies to prevent or dissolve the feelings of loneliness was expressed in different ways by the participants. Feelings of hopelessness and emptiness were articulated when participants were asked about their future strategies for handling loneliness.