The pandemic impacted the way that nurses performed emotional labor. This process of emotional labor was two-fold. The first step involved the nurses experiencing different manifestations of fear: feeling threatened, uncertain, worried, and out of control. By working during the pandemic, they were knowingly risking their own health and the health of their families. Regardless, the nurses still chose to go to work with CoVID patients. This next step was informed by the nurses’ perception of their duty to care. The nurses felt as though they needed to go to work. A pressure to work existed despite the risks, and the nurses often acted on this pressure despite how they might have been feeling. The nurses were only able to make this decision and fulfill their perceived duty because they were suppressing their fears.
Fear
There were 13 nurses out of the 15 that experienced fear from the virus. The following section details the different iterations of fear that were commonly expressed. The nurses communicated different sources of their fear: (1) anxieties about the uncertainties of the virus, (2) fear of the virus itself and the threat it posed, (3) and worry for their families.
In the beginning of the pandemic, perhaps the most stressful aspect of nursing was the lack of tangible certainties about the virus. Many nurses were facing constant stress from not knowing whether they had been infected. Nurse Annemarie, a 57-year-old female-identifying RN with 34 years of experience, works at a large, level 1 trauma center in a New York suburb, and she spoke about the weekly testing that the nurses go through.
You know, so you will have to wait days to find out if you have this virus or not, and like another nurse described it: it’s like each day is day 1. You know, I could be negative yesterday and be exposed an hour later, and each day is day 1 for us. And now I worked yesterday, I’m gonna have to wait until next week to find out if I’m infected or not
In her description of waiting to find out if she had been infected the previous week, Nurse Annemarie describes feeling stress each day. There was very little that she could be certain about. Nurse Ryan, a traveling nurse practitioner who worked at two hospitals in Manhattan during CoVID, felt similarly. He also describes how the invisibility of the virus added to his fears.
Like, you were right in front of it, you were face to face with it. You know? And it was scary because I'm like, it's nothing I can see. It's nothing I know that's there. There's nothing tangible to it, right? … When I first got down there, I’m like “well shoot if I got sick on my first day down there, I wouldn’t know for four to five days”, then four to five days would pass and like “all right, I didn't get infected on my first day there. I didn't get affected on my second day. Great”. And like, that's how it was. So every day, you're looking for days backwards saying, “okay I didn’t get it, and everything's good”.
For the nurses, this source of stress did not wane. Even if they were not on a CoVID floor that day, there was still a chance of exposure at work from a coworker or an asymptomatic but positive patient. In the quotes above, both nurses are expressing a sense of a daily renewal of this particular stressor. While they were working, there was no relief from this source of stress.
In addition to the chronic stress of catching the disease, the nurses were equally concerned about the virulence of the virus. During the first leg of the early surges, around March and April, there was very little known about CoVID. Many of the nurses reported that there was no specific pattern to disease severity. As Nurse Ryan, the traveling nurse that worked in two Manhattan-based hospitals, discussed, there was no knowing who exactly would have a particularly virulent case.
I mean, I think generally speaking, I had the worry going down there. I knew that, you know, if I got sick… you just didn't know what it was going to do and… you didn't know what it was going to do, and who was going to do it to. You could have been fine and healthy and be sick as a dog in the ICU on a ventilator and knocking on Death’s doorstep, or you could be totally fine. You just didn't know where it was gonna go. You still don't know what it's gonna do.
Similar to the previous stressor, there was little relief from this source of fear. The nurses had no way of knowing how they would react if they caught the virus.
What weighed the most heavily on nurses, more so than the chance of getting the virus themselves, was spreading CoVID to others, and in particular, spreading it to their families. Since the nurses would have days before knowing if they were positive, there was a very real possibility of them infecting their families. Nurse Tabitha, an RN with 9 years of experience, worked in a suburban hospital near the city during the pandemic. She was also pregnant during the first CoVID surge. Unlike many of the other nurses who only had to worry about infecting their families once they came home from work, Nurse Tabitha constantly agonized about exposing her child to CoVID while she was working.
I would say that, the thing that was weighing the most heavily on me is, you know, putting my unborn baby at risk and putting the rest of my family at risk because the thing is, it was everywhere. So no matter whether you were working on a CoVID floor or not, here you are walking into the hospital, exposing yourself and bringing it home.
Even with heavily stringent precautions, the chance of infection remained. Like the two other sources of fear, this source of stress could not be mitigated by anything short of stopping work. The majority of the fears felt by the nurses originated in the private sphere. They wanted to protect their families and themselves, yet the uncertainties of the situation made this goal very difficult to achieve.
Families caused an additional source of worry for the nurses. What would happen to their families if they did catch the virus? Outside of infecting their family, the nurses were very concerned for their family’s wellbeing; more so than their own health. For example, Nurse Annemarie is worried more about her family’s wellbeing than the prospect of her own death. When I asked her what she was most afraid of, she spoke about her family.
So of course I’m so scared. It’s not for me, but I have a family. I have two little kids and I just, I don’t fear for my life anymore. I’m scared because I have two little kids. What's gonna happen to them if something happens to me?
While she is still experiencing fear about the virus, Nurse Annemarie’s fear is no longer directed at her safety. Rather, she realized that her family could be in trouble if she got sick from CoVID. Nurses are care givers both at work and in the home, and Nurse Annemarie displays her priorities as a care giver in her quote. Nurse Ryan had also thought about the possibility of dying. He details his worries about his wife below.
If something bad happens to me? Forget it. It's a good thing I have a good life insurance policy, but, I can’t-I have to go home. There's no… I have to come home. I cannot get sick. I cannot. You know? But yeah, I mean, the anxiety. I mean, I have my own anxiety. And at one point, I literally wrote a paragraph in my phone, where the medical ID is, you know… it was like a fight like last words to my wife: “Know that I love you. And I'm sorry, but you'll be fine. Don't worry”.
Their quotes suggest that the nurses, in addition to not knowing whether they would contract CoVID, felt another area of uncertainty in how their families would fare if they died from the virus. Both Nurse Annemarie and Nurse Ryan communicate desires to ensure their families are taken care of. Nurse Ryan even mentions his life insurance policy because the economic stability it offers assuages some of his anxiety for his family. A majority, if not the entirety, of the sources of anxiety mentioned thus far were unavoidable and uncontrollable when working face to face with the virus if the nurses were coming home to their families every day.
Out of all the nurses in the study, two were traveling nurses that lived in hotel rooms during their time as CoVID nurses. The rest of the nurses were living at home with their families. Nurse Mirabelle is a 49-year-old, female identifying nurse who was a contracted travel nurse during the first CoVID surge in March through May. In that time period, she worked as a medical surgery nurse at a medium-sized Manhattan-based hospital. She did not experience additional stress when she was working with CoVID patients, and she attributed her lack of anxiety to two things: (1) living in a hotel room away from her family and (2) seeing most of her patients, many of whom had mild cases of CoVID, recover. Nurse Mirabelle did not worry about infecting her family because she only saw them three times in the two-month period of her contract. Under normal pre-pandemic circumstances, much of her daily stress came from family care and living in a hotel room eliminated this source.
I had no outside stress. My kids were with their dad. He was taking care of everything. I didn't have to go food shopping, I didn't have to cook, I didn't have to clean. I didn't have to pay bills. So all that stress was taken away from me. So it was literally work and sleep, work and sleep. That was it. So it was, like I said, manageable. And most of my daily stress wasn't there.
Nurse Mirabelle’s lack of fear and anxiety could perhaps be stemming from her normalization of her very atypical way of living during her tenure as a traveling nurse. As she describes “it was literally work and sleep, work and sleep”. She was as removed from her emotions about working as she was from external sources of stress once she ended her work day and left the hospital.
Nurse Mirabelle also emphasized how, as a medical surgery nurse, the nature of the work she was doing with CoVID patients differed from the experiences of Intensive Care Unit (ICU) nurses. There was a lack of morbidity and virulence in the daily care of her patients, and this impacted her opinions of the virus. Namely, she felt that she was not as fearful of the virus as her ICU counterparts.
The entire hospital was COVID positive. The entire hospital. Every floor was 100% positive, though. Yeah. I was on a med surg floor. I wasn't in ICU, though. I saw a different side of COVID than my friends that were in ICU.
How do you mean?
I saw people recover and get discharged. They almost never did. Because by the time they got to ICU, they were… they had taken a turn for the worse and were already intubated. And once you got intubated, it wasn't very good. So they saw a different side where most of their patients did not make it. I saw many patients recover and go home. So it's a different aspect of it for me.
The main factors in Nurse Mirabelle’s experience that contributed to her lack of fear and stress were living alone and working on a less critical floor. Out of the nurses, she was an anomaly because her CoVID experience was overwhelmingly positive, but her outlook could have been impacted by her lack of stressors. In her interview, she explained that she had gained a sense of confidence and assurance in both her skills and her identity as a nurse while working during the pandemic. While future research should continue to explore the different reactions and attitudes nurses held towards work, for the purposes of this study, Nurse Mirabelle’s interview will be analyzed as an outlier.
Duty
The concept of duty to care was so innately intertwined with the nurses’ decision-making process that their perception of their duty took precedence over their feelings of fear. The nurses would find ways of making the decision to actually come to work less of a choice. In other words, the nurses would not and, at times, could not give themselves the liberty of considering whether or not they would go to work. Even though the nurses felt fear and anxiety about going to the hospital, the pressure to fulfill their duty often overwhelmed these feelings. In many ways, the duty to work became a larger concept with different implications for every nurse. They internalized the obligation of work and afforded themselves less control over the situation by citing the nurse’s oath, their duty to their patients, the necessity of work, and their increasingly recognized and vital role in society.
A couple of the nurses brought up the Nurse’s Oath; also known as the Florence Nightingale Pledge (VUSN 2010). In many ways, their sentiments about the oath and its commitments to providing patient care were reminiscent of discussions about healthcare professionals’ duty to care in past healthcare crises such as the SARS outbreak and HIV/AIDS epidemic (Emmanuel 2003; Reid 2005). For the nurses, it was almost as though the presence of the oath removed any possibilities of refusing to work during the pandemic. Nurse Catarina, a 39 year old, female-identifying RN with 12 years of experience, describes how she embodies the nurse’s oath below after I asked her how she felt about going into work.
I have to tell myself that this is something that I have to do… we cannot refuse to take care of these patients because we took an oath to care for these patients regardless. We still have to do this, so that's what I tell myself ‘I'm gonna go in today. I don't know what's gonna happen, but it is what it is regardless of the assignment they give you; regardless of where they put you. You gotta do it because someone has to do it…’
Nurse Catarina felt compelled to provide care for her patients. Her agreement to uphold the oath is unconditional. Nurse Penelope, a nurse who works in a large teaching hospital in uptown Manhattan feels similarly about the oath.
We are called for this, and we took oath for this, so we have to keep what we have cause for. So, yeah, we gotta keep going. And I know one day, when all these things are over, I will be standing proud, and I’ll say “hey I survived. I survived this pandemic”.
Both Nurse Catarina and Nurse Penelope communicated ways in which the nurses’ oath compelled them to work. The oath’s promise to care for patients regardless of their condition outweighed the personal risk to the nurses. It is this particular facet of the oath that should be highlighted: a duty to care regardless of the patient’s condition. The duty to care was more important than the risks or conditions of the disease. CoVID, like the SARS outbreak and the HIV/AIDS epidemic that came before it, had solidified and made clear the nurse’s understanding of where their priorities lay and what they were willing to sacrifice. Namely, their priorities were fulling their duty to their patients, and they were willing to sacrifice themselves.
As Nurse Catarina and Nurse Penelope alluded to in their previous quotes, many of the nurses cited a duty to their patients. They needed to prioritize coming in in order to prioritize the wellbeing of their patients. When I asked Nurse Jamie, a 24-year-old female-identifying RN with 3 years of experience, if her mindset had changed during the pandemic, she communicated a similar attitude about her patients.
Now like I've kind of had to take on the mindset of “I'm just gonna do the best that I can. It is what it is”. There’s not too much that us on the low level can change about things, so I'm just like “I gotta do what I gotta do” and make sure my patients are okay and they're safe and… and that's all I can try for at this point.
Nurse Jamie articulated that her duty as a nurse and duties to her patients were more powerful than she as individual nurse. Another nurse, Nurse Carrie, recounted her experience with her first suspected CoVID patient (after this incident, the nurses found out that the patient, who had been exposed to CoVID, had tested negative), and she explicitly names the sacrifices that she and her fellow nurses made when they treated this patient despite knowing that they did not have the proper PPE:
So we were going in and out of the room; knowing we didn't have the proper equipment but knowing that we had to take care of the patient. And I think that's the thing unique to health care workers is you're going to do what you need to do at your own risk, knowing that you need to take care of that patient.
Nurse Jamie and Nurse Carrie communicate values that are inherent to care work. They and the other nurses were very focused on the wellbeing of their patients and are willing to sacrifice themselves in order to achieve that. While working with CoVID patients, the nurses acknowledged that they were putting themselves in danger, but their duties as care workers and their duties to their patients outweighed these risks.
The nurses felt a duty to society. Out of the general public, they were some of the only ones who could take care of patients with CoVID and, in a sense, take care of society. When describing this new role, nurses used words like “elite” and “powerful”. When I asked her what her definition of essential worker was, Nurse Catarina answer captured this shift in perspectives as:
In the hospital we always knew we were essentials. We were essential workers, and I've always said that. If there is a code in the hospital, we run the code better than any doctors. So we’ve always been an essential part of healthcare, but now I think we’re an essential part of society.
Society needed nurses, and there were not many others that could fill such a niche. Nurse Jamie summed this sentiment up as “the whole world is stopped, but we keep going”. Through the pandemic, the nurses recognized that their duty extended beyond the walls of the hospital to the reaches of society.
The duty that compelled the nurses was difficult to refuse. Most of the nurses communicated that they did not necessarily want the role of caring for CoVID patients, but they felt as though they could not reject this responsibility. Whether they were working out of necessity, duty, or social pressures, the nurses’ wishes had little influence in their decisions to come to work. Duty took precedence over the nurses’ desires. When Nurse Annemarie was answering a question about her mindset going into work, she explicitly stated that she did not want to go to work but felt forced to.
It's not something that we want to do. It’s something that we have to do. And you know, and all we have to do is do it and stay alive… Nine people-ten people on my floor got sick. (pauses) And so you’re looking at each other ‘so who’s next’? You know, and we’re like ‘you wanna be a hero’? We’re like ‘I don’t wanna be a hero. I wanna be alive. I just want this to end’.
This quote communicates the collective attitude that many nurses felt about working during the pandemic. Many of them did not want to take on such responsibility and risk. As Nurse Annemarie put it, she did not want to “be a hero”, but she did not see that she had any other options. Nurse Catarina expanded on this idea when she was answering a question about inadequate PPE.
When it comes to me being in the hospital [and] taking care of these patients, I have to mask, gown and everything, and [if] I can still be contaminated then I don't wanna be essential… We don't even have the adequate PPE. We’re still working. They tell us now we have to go downstairs to get our N95 in the morning. We go in with this flimsy gown. Does it even protect you? It doesn't, but we don't refuse to go into a CoVID room. We go in, we do what we have to do... Taking care of CoVID patients is not fun. It's something we wouldn't do if we had a choice, honestly. But we do it cause that's what we signed up for.
Nurse Catarina knew that she was possibly getting exposed to CoVID with her lack of proper PPE. However, she states that she cannot refuse to work because this situation is what “[she] signed up for”. She also explicitly says that she had no choice. She had to go to work. Her duty as a nurse was one that, as much as she wanted to, she could not refuse, even if it meant putting herself in danger.
Aside from the duty to care and their duty to society, some nurses also felt a duty to their family. They needed to provide for their families, so giving up work during the pandemic was not an option. Nurse Tabitha would feel nauseous and anxious before going to work because she was worried about infecting her baby. However, she directly states having no other choice besides working.
So I basically had no options except to work. And I just had to say to myself: “OK well, I have to take care of my family. I have to take care of myself, but I have to take care of my family” … I had to just kinda find a way to be strong about it and say “I really don’t have any options here. I have to just take care of my family”. You know, it was-it was definitely very scary… it took a little while to accept; I’ll be honest with you. But you know, when you have a family and a mortgage, it’s just kinda like “this is what I have to do”. And I just had to suck it up.
The nurses explicitly stated not wanting to go to work due to fears surrounding the virus. Yet, they communicated an obligation to nursing that felt almost impossible to refuse. These three quotes poignantly sum up the main relationship between the fear of the disease and duty to care: fear, in various forms, was ever present, but the nurse’s duties to their patients, to uphold their oath, and to provide for their family were the more influential and compelling factors in their choices to go to work.
Mindset
In order to suppress their fears and meet their duties, the nurses adopted a mindset that forced courage and detached them from their fears. The nurses would perform deep acting by internalizing a brave attitude about going to work. Once they were at work, the nurses would remove their emotions from the situation by depersonalizing many parts of their daily routines and tasks.
Many of the nurses mentioned bravery in their interviews. They discussed the need for strength, courage, and fight to work with CoVID patients. Yet, most of them underwent a process of actually forcing themselves to feel brave because, as detailed by the earlier sections, they initially were very scared about going to work. Nurse Tabitha put it succinctly when she was talking about her decision to go to work even though she was pregnant and scared for her child’s health: “For me I had to just kinda buck up and be like ‘okay’”.
Nurse Tabitha had just finished recounting her fears about going to work and explaining why she still needed to go to work despite those. By telling herself to “buck up”, she was invalidating her fears, minimizing them, and forcing herself to adopt and perform with a brave mindset.
Once the nurses had taken on this mindset, they would put it into action by compartmentalizing what they were doing and removing their emotions from their tasks. Nurse Mark, a male-identifying nurse with 1.5 years of experience, works at a large level 1 trauma center in a suburb near Manhattan. He describes his process for shifting his mentality below.
And it was scary at first cause we were all like “what the hell. No one knows anything about this. What’s-what are the treatments supposed to be like? What’s going on”? But yeah, I guess for me it was kinda like “alright gown up and put your PPE on like we’re supposed to” and kinda do what we’re supposed to do I guess”. (Laughs).
Nurse Mark details his process of putting his responsibility before his fears about work. He removes himself from the situation by telling himself to focus on his duties. He also does not give himself the option of feeling his anxieties about the uncertainties of the disease.
In a similar fashion, Nurse Sam, a nurse with less than 1 year of experience at the same hospital as Nurse Mark, spoke in his interview about his task-oriented mindset that he took on while caring for CoVID patients. Nurse Mark had been a firefighter and had worked in emergency medical services before going to nursing school, so he spoke about how these experiences informed his approach to working in the pandemic.
[It] definitely takes time to get used to; like, slowing down and controlling your emotions and everything… I would say just the… anxiety, and then you definitely get the little, like, the little adrenaline kick. That little… like a little pucker factor. You’re like “Oh this, like, this is bad” … And then you go back to your training. Like “I have this”. You kinda break it down into the facts. So you’re kinda fact oriented. Like “I need to do, like, I need to work on the vent. I need to work on the drips. I need this. I need this. I need that…”, and then you make a little mental checklist that you go through each step, each step, each step. And if you find yourself overwhelmed, take a second, breathe and then, refocus on what you’re trying to do.
Nurse Mark acknowledged his anxiety and adrenaline but chose to focus on his training and ignore his emotions. The nurses needed to frame the situations they were facing in a way that made them less overwhelming. At the same time, they also needed to ensure that they were preforming medicine with competency. To accomplish these tasks, they would remove their personal feelings from the situations and compartmentalize them.
There were two nurses that did not experience any drastic change to their mindset. Nurse Mirabelle, who had not felt any increased anxiety, did not report actively changing her mindset when she started working with CoVID patients. Nurse Jeremy, a male identifying nurse with 5 years of experience at a large level 1 trauma center in a suburb near Manhattan, felt similarly and believed that he received adequate protection and was therefore not worried about working. Here is what he said when I asked him if he had ever been scared to go to working during the pandemic.
I mean I could tell that some people when they first started they were like ‘This is not what I signed up for,’ you know, ‘I don’t have a problem taking care of sick people but not necessarily putting my life at risk doing so’. But I never really looked at it that way. I mean I…. I always felt protected. I mean it was a little bit sketchy in the beginning when they kept changing PPEs and what we had to wear and stuff like that. You know I-I never really felt any different about it.
Nurse Jeremy did not feel particularly scared of the virus because he felt adequately protected, so he did not need to change his mindset or perform emotional labor to feel able to go into work.