Five main themes and twelve subthemes were identified in the study as describing psychological processes and abilities that assist in ceasing SASI, and further alternative behaviors were described (see Table 1).
Table 1
Main themes and subthemes of abilities and processes for ceasing sex as self-injury
Main theme: Acquired abilities that break maintenance loop | Subthemes: The process – how to get there | Examples of new behaviors after acquired ability |
Revised core beliefs about the self | Via new experiences | "I started to give myself an intrinsic value. I began to love myself. Then I stopped offending myself through others" (Woman, aged 26, No. 84) |
Via cognitive restructuring |
Developed emotional competence | Via understanding emotions | "Try to accept that the feelings are there but at the same time make sure that they don't get the better of you. Thinking about breathing. I take care of myself by taking care of basic needs such as sleep, food, hygiene, etc." (Woman, aged 20, No. 58) |
Via acceptance of emotions |
Via coping skills |
Increased relational competence | Via new relationship experiences | "Talk to my husband, be with my son, talk to a person who I think can help" (Woman, aged 29, No. 51) |
Via new communication skills |
Acquired meta-perspective | Via insight and knowledge of SASI | "I went to CBT therapy because I self-harmed with razor blades, and I used the same way when I stopped hurting myself with sex, one learns good tricks there" (Woman, aged 25, No. 108) |
Strengthened psychological empowerment | Via a new relationship to one's body and sexuality | "I write a list of everything I feel guilty about and go through them and do my best to convince myself that none of them are my fault" (Woman, aged 15, No. 177) "Talk to the mirror and pretend I'm speaking up" (Woman, aged 26, No. 165) |
Via self-assertive behaviors |
Via transfer of responsibility |
Via a norm-critical perspective |
Revised core beliefs about the self
A core belief about the self is an individual's subjective truth about the self. In different ways, the informants expressed that during the time of SASI, they had low thoughts about their self-worth. This negative self-image was confirmed and maintained through the treatment of others during destructive sexual contacts. One informant described:
"It became a vicious loop that was hard to get out of. It also created the image of myself as 'the slut', so I somehow identified myself with the sex as well. If I wasn't someone who let guys 'use' me, then who am I?" (Woman, aged 28, No. 182).
Among those who ceased SASI, the core beliefs were changed in terms of stronger self-esteem and perception of self-worth: "I have realized that I am worth something as a human being and I'm not a fuck doll" (Woman, aged 27, No. 80). Some informants expressed an increased empathy for themselves as an example of this process: "Liking oneself is very important. It helped me a lot" (Woman, aged 22, No. 125).
The process of revision was described by some as taking place through new experiences and by others through cognitive restructuring. New experiences provided information that contradicted previous beliefs. One informant wrote:
"I met my current boyfriend[...]. He questioned my sexual approaches when he saw that I didn't want to.[..]. He himself has interrupted several times when he noticed that I was not committed and encouraged me to speak up when I do not want to." (Woman, aged 28, No. 180)
Initially, the informant acted on the basis of previous beliefs about herself and others, but through the partner's response she received information that contrasted with previous experiences. Another informant describes how the treatment from others was of great importance to the process: "I feel that I have other values than sex. [//] I have received 'confirmation' of other things, such as that I have studied with good results" (Woman, aged 31, No. 60).
If revision via experiences can be described as a movement from action to thought or outside in, then revision via cognitive restructuring is rather a process that moves from the inside out via changed thought patterns. Informants describe having been given the space and opportunity to reflect, question and re-evaluate their view of themselves: "Long therapy with the world's best therapist. I gained a sense of worth and care for myself. I don't want to hurt myself anymore" (Woman, aged 35, No. 46).
Examples of new behaviors after revised core beliefs about the self
Within the theme "Revised core beliefs about the self" it is apparent how the informants’ changed self-image has become an important prerequisite for cessation of SASI. Examples of alternative behaviors that can replace self-injury related to the theme are about valuing and responding to oneself in more adequate and constructive ways. The following quote is an example of this: "Nowadays I try to stay in the feeling and reformulate the self-hatred into something else. What's hard isn't about me and I don't have to self-hate because I'm in a difficult event or experiencing difficult feelings" (Woman, aged 27, No. 84). Other informants wrote: "Comfort myself, pep myself up" (Woman, aged 20, No. 193). And "I started to give myself intrinsic value. I began to love myself. Then I stopped offending myself through others." (Woman, aged 27, No. 84).
Evolved emotional competence
Informants described how, during the time of SASI, they had not been able to regulate intense emotions, but perceived and interpreted emotions as incomprehensible, unacceptable and unmanageable. SASI was often used to reduce these feelings, such as intense anxiety. For example, the lack of emotional competence is described like this: "I couldn't find a way out. I was in a vicious loop, I didn't think I was worth more than that. They could treat me however they wanted, I just wanted to get away from my feelings" (Woman, aged 25, No. 73).
Evolved abilities to identify, interpret and manage one's own emotions in a more functional way were seen as helpful in the process towards cessation of SASI.
"I have used therapy to process the most difficult feelings and occurrences I have experienced. On top of that, I have found ways to express what I'm carrying. I can write about it or talk about it with someone I trust. [//]. The more serious the problem is, the greater the importance of sharing it with someone. I also use methods and exercises on my own that I have learned in different forms of therapy. The basic insight is always to let the emotions come out and take up space. Never push them back" (Male, aged 34, No. 149).
The process of developing the ability to regulate emotions more adequately was made through understanding, acceptance, and through new coping skills.
Informants described how it was helpful to gain insight into the function of emotions. Increased understanding of emotions made it possible to cope with them in was other than through self-injuring behaviors. Informants described how it was helpful to be able to identify emotions, interpret emotions in new ways, reflect on them and put them into words. One informant wrote: "Nowadays I try to think that they always pass [emotions]. I cry a lot. I'm trying to analyze them, reflect on them. When I was a teenager, I just tried to numb my feelings with everything I could" (Woman, aged 25, No. 108).
Other informants described a greater ability to bear their feelings, to accept and make room for them, which reduced the need to self-injure. One informant wrote: "I try not to be afraid to think about difficult things. I try to allow myself to grieve, cry or be angry" (Woman, aged 30, No. 186).
Through increased understanding and acceptance of emotions, informants described having developed alternative ways to handle their emotions. These abilities reduced the need for self-injury, and SASI could be replaced by more constructive strategies. For example, some expressed that they had been helped to put their feelings into words and to remain in anxiety without acting self-destructively. One informant wrote: "Nowadays I try to turn to friends, write it down, listen to music with lyrics that help me put my feelings into words, exercise. More rarely, I fall back into some form of self-destructive behavior" (Woman, aged 32, No. 48).
Examples of new behaviors after evolved emotional competence
The theme "Evolved emotional competence" reveals how informants had developed a better ability to cope with emotions and that this had reduced the need of SASI. The following quotes highlight examples of alternative behaviors linked to the theme: "Try to accept that the feelings are there, but at the same time make sure that they do not get the better of you. Thinking about breathing. I take care of myself by, for example, taking care of basic needs such as sleep, food, hygiene, etc." (Woman, aged 20, No. 58). "Now I have become friends with even the more difficult feelings, explore them through writing diaries, yoga and recovery" (Woman, aged 26, No. 140). "I use tools I received when I treated my PTSD, such as thinking that I won't die from those feelings. It's okay and it will pass" (Woman, aged 28, No. 14).
Increased relational competence
Informants described having experienced great loneliness and the only way to feel a sense of belonging was by offering their body for sex. Some emphasized a longing for closeness, love and relationship. They described casual sex as a way of trying to get that kind of affirmation. Others expressed not feeling worthy of more than violent sex on other people's terms. In this regard, SASI may have been maintained because of relational needs that were not adequately met from others. One of the informants described:
"I felt so bad about the betrayals from my family and was so lonely. No one could help me or comfort me when I felt bad, I didn't know anyone. The only people I felt I had the right to hang out with were pigheaded men. No one else would have to put up with me. The fact that I can't handle relationships allowed it to go on, and still allows it, even now that I don't explicitly want to hurt myself. I don't want to be abandoned, so it's a safe way to give the body to someone. I also needed attention. And these men are everywhere, so it's accessible to hurt oneself in this way" (Woman, aged 27, No. 122).
Informants found it important to have new and contrasting relationships that better met the needs that SASI had previously compensated for, in order to be able to cease SASI. Examples of increased relational competence included the ability to enter into a healthy relationship that gave positive affirmation and a sense of belonging. Relationships with partners, friends and relatives, including mutual affirmation in a constructive and lasting way, were highlighted as important contributions to stopping SASI:
"That's how I met the love of my life. Today we have been married for four years and have a little son who is four months old. It was my husband who made me stop. When I met him, I no longer needed what I needed then. He simply made me feel better" (Woman, aged 33, No. 40).
Some informants highlighted parenthood as another important factor for the cessation of SASI:
"The craving was always there, but later I let it go more or less completely when I had children and the thought of what might happen to them if it came out what their mother was doing. I want to be strong for my children. If I didn't have kids, I don't think I would have stopped." (Woman, aged 27, No. 114).
Increased relational competence was developed through new relationship experiences
and/or through new communication skills. The informants described new ways of communicating with others, like confiding in others or asking for help. When they were met with a positive response and gained trust, it paved the way for a cessation of SASI.
Examples of new behaviors after increased relational competence
The theme "Increased relationship competence" paints a picture of how the development of relational skills, experiences from new mutual and positive relationships and strengthened communication skills are highlighted as crucial for the cessation process of SASI. Alternative behaviors linked to this theme are largely about using one's own network and being able to ask for and receive help and support from others. Informants described this in the following citations concerning alternative behaviors to cope with difficult feelings: "When I feel bad now, I usually talk to my best friend, mother or my therapist" (Woman, aged 27, No. 24). "I talk to my husband, be with my son, talk to a person who I think can help" (Woman, aged 29, No. 51). "Talking to relatives and asking for help" (Woman, aged 25, No. 73).
Acquired meta-perspective
Informants emphasized that a perpetuating factor for SASI was the lack of insight about underlying functions of self-injurious behavior or the long-term negative consequences. SASI was reinforced by the anxiety-regulating, affirming or self-punishing effect and informants described being stuck in destructive patterns based on the short-term consequence:
"That I felt so inadequate and worthless, that it was a 'good way' to both numb feelings, get validation and punish myself. It took a long time before I understood that my behavior was very destructive and that I was addicted to self-harm through sex" (Woman, aged 26, No. 13).
The maintenance of SASI was sometimes described in terms of being stuck in vicious circles that were difficult to get out of: "If someone hit me, I thought I deserved [it]. Afterwards, however, I got anxious about what I had done. Anxiety relief turned into anxiety" (Woman, aged 26, No. 165).
The process related to the cessation of SASI when this maintenance occurred was through insight and knowledge of SASI. It was seen as helpful to better understand the causes of self-injurious behavior, both general and specific:
"It was only about two years ago that I heard for the first time that there is such a thing, and that sex could be used as self-injury. This opened up a whole new world for me and gave me an insight into myself, that maybe I'm not as worthless as I always thought because I had been unfaithful! An incredibly difficult feeling to live with, but with the information that this 'condition' exists actually made it all easier." (Woman, aged 33, No.2)
It was seen as helpful to increase the understanding of the mechanisms that maintained the behavioral pattern, which was in some cases done by getting sight of the conflict between the short-term benefit and the long-term negative consequences, and furthermore by realizing that the short-term benefit reinforced the negative loop. One informant wrote:
"I started having a lot of panic attacks and generally feeling bad, so a friend made me seek help and it was only six months into therapy that I understood what I had been doing and why. I have understood that it is bad for me and know that my well-being in the long run will be worse from this self-injurious behavior, even if it eases things in the moment." (Woman, aged 24, No. 146)
Achieving a meta-perspective of SASI was seen as essential in the process of ceasing the behavior: "I didn't really know I had sex as self-injury until my counselor helped me put it into words and gain insight, so the help she gave me is invaluable." (Woman, aged 20, No. 194)
Examples of new behaviors after acquired meta-perspective
The theme "Acquired meta-perspective" highlights how an increased understanding of the function and consequences of one's own self-injury made it possible to exit the negative loop of the behavior and cease SASI. Alternative behaviors which were exemplified on this theme were: "Now I have a crisis list to follow and usually I do crafts, drink tea or watch movies when the impulses come" (Woman, aged 23, No. 3). "I went to CBT therapy because I self-injured with razor blades, and I used the same way when I stopped hurting myself with sex, you learn good tricks there" (Woman, aged 25, No. 108). "Reflect, make chains, talk to someone I trust, write, fantasize about how I hurt myself and then let go of the imagination and what is difficult" (Woman, aged 25, No. 117).
Strengthened psychological empowerment
Informants who had ceased SASI described how they had developed psychological empowerment, a subjective perceived control over themselves and their situation. This included agency and increased self-determination, as well as the ability to shift guilt and responsibility from themselves. Some highlighted a political awareness and a norm-critical approach as a prerequisite for increased ego-strength. One wrote: "I became healthier mentally. But I also became a more aware/active feminist and learned through that, that I and no one else has the right to my body. I started having sex for my own pleasure and desire" (Woman, aged 20, No. 58).
Processes that strengthened the informants' psychological empowerment were seen to occur through a new relationship to the own body and sexuality, as the following quote exemplifies:
"After I started working in the Armed Forces, I also realized that sometimes I only have my own body to rely on. It didn't matter if I hadn't had sex in a long time because it carried me mile after mile anyway. It was good enough as it was, even though no one touched it. It showed me that it trusts me and then I realized that I have to trust it back. That we are a team" (Woman, aged 20, No. 194).
Other informants reported that conquering the right to one's sexuality and one's pleasure was important in order to cease SASI. One informant put it this way:
"I started working on my self-esteem and stopped hanging out with people who took advantage of me. I learned that sex should be something you do because you enjoy it. Sure it can be brutal, dirty, violent if you like it. But it should be something you like, enjoy. And above all, with a person you like and want to have sex with. Not just someone you do it with because it's too hard to say no" (Woman, aged 24, No. 30).
Understanding one's right to set boundaries and thereby express self-assertive behaviors was another process that was seen in psychological empowerment. One informant wrote: "I learned to say no and then I grew. Today I can better set boundaries and become stronger by denying someone my body" (Woman, aged 40, No. 167).
Other expressions of self-assertive behaviors were exemplified by actively reducing areas where SASI could occur, i.e. preventing what could trigger or enable SASI. Informants said that they had stopped drinking alcohol, avoided club environments or chosen to stay away from the internet: "I stopped using computers at all for a period of time to not fall back into old patterns. I'm not on internet sites where I'm at risk of being picked up" (Woman, aged 31, No. 60). An informant describes how she completely stopped seeing men as a way to reduce the risk of SASI:
"The big part for me was when I became a lesbian. Even though I slept around with women, I felt so much better and didn't get the same power differences as with men. I stopped hanging out in sex-positive circles, where BDSM was seen as sacred and cool" (Woman, aged 19, No. 133).
Another process that increased empowerment was the ability to transfer the responsibility for the violence from oneself to the perpetrator(s), both in the present but also to those who had previously subjected them to incest, abuse or rape: "I realized that I did not deserve to be hurt, and found a rage around the realization that men chose to hurt me just because I allowed it" (Woman, aged 28, No 63).
Informants expressed how SASI had been able to arise and continue due to prevailing norms about gender roles, patriarchal structures and objectification of women's bodies: "I think it was because I learned as a child that men take what they want, when they want, no matter what you say... it just hurts a little less to say yes" (Woman, aged 46, No. 159).
Examples of new behaviors after strengthened psychological empowerment
The theme "Strengthened psychological empowerment" portrays how empowerment – through a new relationship to one's own body and sexuality, via self-assertive behaviors, via the ability to transfer responsibility and via a norm-critical perspective – has contributed to a movement towards ceasing SASI. The following answer to the question "What do you usually do to deal with difficult feelings and events?" exemplifies alternative behaviors linked to the theme: "Write a list of everything I feel guilty about and go through them and do my best to convince myself that none of them are my fault" (No. 177), "Today I usually channel them into my feminist commitment" (Woman, aged 28, No. 63) and "Talk to the mirror and pretend I'm speaking up" (Woman, aged 26, No. 165)